


Tomorrow

by chooken



Category: Westlife
Genre: Adultery, Drunk Sex, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Goodbyes, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Promises, Regret, Rough Kissing, Sexual Tension, Snogging, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2889743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chooken/pseuds/chooken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On Bryan's last day, his and Mark's true feelings finally come to the surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tomorrow

“So that’s it, then?”

Bryan looked up from his suitcase and turned, meeting bright blue eyes that sparkled with tears. He swallowed. Mark was leant against the door, staring at him, watching him put his life back into a suitcase for the last time. He clenched his hands into fists, then released them. Mark kept on staring.

“I …” Bryan wanted to come up with something funny, something to deflect the world, like he usually did when he was uncomfortable. But nothing would come to his lips. “Mark…” He shook his head helplessly.

“You’re leaving.” Mark finished, and Bryan caught, in an instant, the tremble of his lips. It disappeared within a moment, but it had been undeniably there. Mark took a deep breath, and swallowed, and Bryan took a step towards him, the suitcase painfully present behind him. Mark looked away.

“It’s not because of you. Don’t think it is.”

“I’m going to miss you.” Mark said softly, looking back up with eyes that filled with glistening tears. He nodded to himself, then turned away, beginning to leave the room.

“Stop.” Bryan was across the room, his hand on Mark’s arm within a moment. He could feel muscles tremble in his grip, and the way Mark pulled almost imperceptibly away. But he held tight, wishing Mark would at least look at him.

“Let me go.” Mark’s voice was soft, but the tone was firm, and when he looked up at Bryan there was frightened resolve written all over his face.

“No.” Bryan replied stubbornly. “Why should I?”

“Because I have to let you go.” Mark replied. “Let me go. I can’t…” He gulped back what Bryan guessed were burgeoning tears. “Please. I can’t do this. Just let go.”

“No. Marky…” Bryan scooped him into a hug, ignoring the tenseness in Mark’s body, the resistance. But even though Mark’s body was wound tight, his arms still curled around Bryan’s back, and his head still lay in the bigger man’s shoulder. Bryan felt him shake.

“You’re my best friend!” A sob burst from Mark’s throat, stinging. “I don’t want… I don’t want you to leave…”

“I have to.” Bryan murmured, stroking his friend’s back. It was always going to be the hardest with Mark – they shared a bond the others could never dream to match. Mark understood him on a level no-one else did, and saw him a way no-one else could. “I’m not leaving you, I’m…”

“…leaving the band…” Mark finished, the same sentence Bryan had been saying for days on end. “We… I…” He sobbed once, pressing into Bryan’s body almost unconsciously. “It feels like you’re leaving me and I… I don’t know how to do it without you, Bry. I… who will I talk to? No-one understands…”

“You can talk to the others.” Bryan soothed, knowing that was a complete lie. He himself had never been able to talk to the others the way he talked to Mark. He had no right to expect Mark to do what he couldn’t.

“Fuck off talking to the others.” Mark spat. “I don’t fucking want the others, do I? I want my best mate. I want…” He paused, and exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to stay and be unhappy …”

“I’m not leaving you.” Bryan said again, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible and not break off into a howl of anguish. “I need to do this, but I’d never leave you. I love you, Marky. You’re my soulmate, in an odd kind of way.”

Mark nodded, his head shifting against Bryan’s shoulder. “You’re mine, too. God, that sounds weak and girly, doesn’t it? But you… you are.” He sniffled, his lips pressing chastely to Bryan’s neck. “I love you. I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know.” Bryan whispered, feeling very near tears himself. “I don’t want to leave you, mate. And I’m not. I promise you.”

“I won’t have anyone to…” Mark trailed off, and his arms tightened on Bryan’s neck. “I don’t even know how to explain it. Just… to be there. To be my… my…” He shook his head. “God, I don’t even know.”

“Ring me. Whenever you like.”

“No…” Bryan could have sworn that Mark blushed a little – there was a sudden warmness against his neck. “You need to… you and Kerry… that’s why you’re leaving us and I don’t want to always be ringing all the time and taking you away from her…” Bryan nodded, stroking Mark’s back. “I don’t want this all to have been for nothing.”

“Marky…” Bryan kissed his friend’s hair, the vague tang of salty tears reaching his nostrils. He kissed Mark again, just above his eyebrow. “A few hours and this’ll all be over, right? We’ll get in the cars, go to the conference. They’ll ask questions, take a few photos, and we’ll leave. And then that’ll be that and we can go back to our lives.”

“Without you.”

“No, never without me. You can just pretend I’ve got flu, and you’ll see me when I’ve recovered! We’ll see each other all the time, I promise you.”

Bryan wasn’t exactly sure he believed himself. Things were so hard at the moment…

“I love you, okay?” He whispered, kissing Mark’s hair again. “Don’t you ever doubt that. I’ll always love you.”

“Ditto.” Mark replied, pulling away. “Well, I suppose you’ve got packing to do.” He looked resolutely at Bryan’s suitcase, though the older man could see the tears he was trying to hide.

“Not right now.” Bryan said, reaching out and putting a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “Stay awhile, okay? Please. I think I need you right now.”

Mark looked at him, his eyes searching, and then nodded slowly, allowing himself to be led over to the couch. They lay down, Bryan’s head on Mark’s chest, and the older man smiled sadly as fingers ran gently through his hair.

“Will you come to my birthday party?” Bryan asked, and Mark smiled, ducking his head to place a kiss on Bryan’s forehead.

“Of course I will.” He closed his eyes as Bryan shuffled up, the weight of his head resting on Mark’s shoulder, hot puffs of breath puffing over his throat. He blindly turned, about to kiss Bryan’s forehead, but Bryan shifted, and Mark’s eyes snapped open when their lips connected.

“No.” He muttered, mortified, and pushed Bryan away. “Don’t.”

“I’m sorry.” Bryan said softly.

“It’s okay.” Mark shook his head, tucking Bryan’s head under his chin so they didn’t have to look at each other. It was still too raw – that drunken fumble, Bryan’s lips on his body, that hard cock pushing into him… too fast, too hard… but so good… It was too raw. It was a stupid mistake.

“I don’t regret it.” Bryan said.

“You should.” Mark shook his head, moving to the side, needing to be out from under Bryan’s weight. “Let’s not talk about it. I don’t want this being ruined. We only get a few more hours and…”

“Why would it ruin it?” Mark turned away, tears pricking his eyes and then falling when Bryan spooned around him, pulling Mark to his chest. “I love you, don’t you get that? I don’t want to leave you. I won’t.”

“I love you too.” Mark replied, feeling no shame in saying it. They’d said it a million times before. “That doesn’t mean what happened was right.”

Bryan stroked his hands down Mark’s chest and then back up again, feeling him shiver when Bryan’s lips pressed behind his ear, his tongue flicking out. Still spooning, he rolled to the side slightly, almost draping himself over Mark.

“Bryan. Don’t.” Mark said firmly. “Please don’t.”

Bryan shook his head. “I want you. Don’t you understand that? It’s always been you.”

“No.” Mark protested, wanting to roll away but not able with Bryan on top of him. He turned to face Bryan instead. “You have your wife. Your kids. I…” He swallowed, taking Bryan’s face between his hands and looking him in the eye. “No.” Bryan didn’t miss the way his eyes slid away as he said it. “I won’t do it.”

Bryan sat up a little, straddling Mark’s hips, his arms either side of Mark’s shoulders. “Tell me you don’t love me.”

“Of course I fucking love you!” Mark argued, his voice rising. “You think I’d be so bloody devastated if I didn’t? That’s not what this is about, Bryan! I’m not the fucking one for you, and I’m not in love with you!” His eyes slid away again. “For fuck’s sakes.”

“Liar.” Bryan growled.

“Fuck you.” Mark snarled, putting all his weight behind a shove that put Bryan off balance long enough for the younger man to roll away, crashing to the floor but regaining his footing immediately and standing up. “Fuck you and fuck this.”

“You want me.” Bryan stated, his voice cool enough to make Mark’s fists itch to punch him. Too angry to hear the tremble behind the words, the terror and the frustration.

Mark turned away, his hands covering his ears, as though it could stop the roar of his conscience. Bryan’s hand grabbed his shoulder, too hard, frightening him. He spun back around, dislodging it.

“Don’t!”

“Then don’t hide from me!” Bryan argued, his voice shrill with tears. “I love you, don’t you fucking get that?”

“And you’re married!” Mark protested, gesturing violently to get his point across. “You’re fucking married! Christ, I didn’t tell you I was gay just so we could fuck! I told you because you’re my best friend, do you get that? I trust you and I love you, but you don’t seem to even understand what this means! You have children! And you’re leaving. Don’t you understand that you’re leaving?”

“Don’t you understand that I’m not?” Bryan demanded. “I’m not fucking dying Mark, I’m getting out before this shit kills me! If I stay here another second I’m gonna go crazy and that has nothing to do with my wife!”

“Because we’re not good enough for you? Christ, Bryan.”

“This is what you want. I get that. But it isn’t what I want.” Bryan said, his voice tense, but a fair notch down from the volume it had been. “I can’t be here, I feel like I’m in some kind of vacuum. I feel like I’m just sitting still all the time. Can you understand that? I need to be… I dunno, free, or something. This is too…” He sighed. “It’s bullshit, Mark. I need to feel like I’m worth something that’s not about stupid screaming girls. I need to feel like I’m not a piece of meat. Like I’m actually doing something.”

“You’re worth something to me.” Mark said flatly, refusing to look up. “Do you not understand how much you’re worth to me?”

“And I’m not leaving you. I told you. I’d never leave you.”

Mark shook his head. “Let’s not have this conversation again. You’re leaving, and I’m going.” He pulled away from the hand that had settled back down on his shoulder, moving for the door.

“Kiss me.” Bryan said. “That’s all I want. Just the one. I…” He swallowed, his heart thudding down to his toes when Mark turned a sorrowful look on him. “I don’t think I can get through today thinking that you hate me.”

Mark sighed, his hands settling on Bryan’s shoulders, fingers tapping lightly. Blue eyes stared into blue, and two lips were bitten. Mark released a breath.

“I’d never hate you.”

Bryan leant in, Mark’s few words enough consent to get by on, but not enough for him to keep from hesitating, checking Mark’s eyes for some further acquiescence. Mark sighed, looking down.

Their lips touched. Slowly. So slowly, and Mark was suddenly reminded of sweaty flesh against his own, the solid thump of a doorknob against his back, dulled by the alcohol. Frantic fingers fumbling at clothes. Bryan’s tongue in his mouth. Except that last one wasn’t a memory at all.

Oh. Yes.

Mark didn’t quite resist the urge to tilt his head, nor to let out the moan that welled up from somewhere deep beneath his stomach. His head was tilted, Bryan’s fingers under his chin, making it easier for him to be shattered and taken. Bryan’s breath feeding his own. The soft flicker of a tongue against the roof of his mouth, exploring him. The only parts of him that Bryan didn’t know inside out.

Bryan didn’t speak, too frightened that he was going to break the moment. Fingers carded through his hair, and his own hands dropped lower, caressing the shape of Mark’s back, cupping his arse and dragging him closer, feeling a leg hitch up and wrap around his waist when they hit the wall with a heady thump. Mark whimpered, his mouth taking Bryan’s with a sudden eagerness that had him panting.

“Please.” Bryan whispered, feeling too much like he was taking advantage. This had to be Mark’s fault as well, or what did that make him?

“Bastard.” Mark snarled, lips and teeth attacking Bryan’s mouth and hands pushing him away, turning him and slamming him against the wall, his body hard and unforgiving. “Fucking arsehole.”

“Hate me now?” Bryan bit back, teeth sinking into Mark’s throat but shoved away too quickly to make a mark.

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me.”

Mark snorted, no humour in his voice at all. Fingers grabbed at his jeans, and he shoved them away, grabbing both of Bryan’s hands and lifting them to slam them into the wall either side of Bryan’s head, attacking his mouth hard enough to bruise.

“Let go.”

“No.” Mark grunted, his teeth sinking into Bryan’s lower lip and tugging almost hard enough to break the skin. He pulled back, slamming Bryan’s clenched fists against the wall again. “How’s it feel, huh? Being trapped? Wanting to hate someone so badly, wanting to punch them in the fucking face and knowing there’s not a single thing you can do.”

“I feel like that every day.” Bryan replied, his chest moving achingly hard against Mark’s as their eyes spat angry fire, searing them together. “You think I haven’t tried to hate you? I can’t, okay? So fuck you if you think this is easy for me.”

Mark sobbed sharply, swaying just slightly towards Bryan. His eyes glistened with tears.

“Fuck you, Bryan.”

“No. Wanna love you.”

Mark’s breath hitched, a tiny little hiccup that burned in his throat. Bryan leant in towards him, hands somehow having slipped free. Mark’s hands braced themselves against the wall.

“Can’t do this. Can’t go on forever like this.”

“Tough shit.” Bryan said simply. Mark laughed, covering his face with his hand. Bryan pried it away, kissing the palm.

“I’m not in love with you.” Mark attempted. Bryan nodded, pulling the rigid body against his own, feeling tense muscles twitch through Mark’s clothes.

“I know. Me either.” Bryan lied. “I love you. With all my heart.”

Mark sniffed. “Me too.”

“I’ll never leave you. You realise that, right?”

Mark shook his head. “No.”

Bryan looked at his watch, the hands ticking too fast, all of a sudden. “We have to go. I need to say goodbye to the other lads.”

“Goodbye.” Mark echoed. “Well, nice knowing you, Bryan.”

“Three months.” Bryan said softly. “Give me three months. I’ll come back for you. I’ll end it. I don’t care.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I’m not promising. I’m asking.” He stroked Mark’s face, his hand rough and calloused. Real, against Mark’s cheek. “Wait for me. Please. It’ll be okay.”

Mark shook his head. “This is stupid. Three months is a long time. A lot can happen.”

“Nothing could change what I feel about you. It’s always been you. Understand?”

Mark hesitated, before nodding slowly, pushing into Bryan’s strong embrace and laying his head on his friend’s shoulder.

“I understand.” He whispered. “I’ll wait. I…” He swallowed, muffling the words on Bryan’s shoulder. “It’s been you. Always.”

Bryan nodded, stroking Mark’s hair. “Ready to lie to the world?”

Mark shook his head. “No. Not really.” He looked up. “Promise me you’ll come back.”

“Promise me you’ll wait.”

Mark was going to nod. So was Bryan. But in the end, they just ended up kissing, the time unnoticed by either of them.


End file.
